The Expendables

Here's a crazy thought: What if you gathered all the greatest action movie stars ever, put them in one mega-movie, with a ridiculous plot, a huge body count, kick-ass explosions, and a lethal dose of testosterone? What if you actually got Stallone, Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis on the screen at the same time?  If The Expendables would have been made twenty years ago, it probably would have been the greatest action movie imaginable, impossible to watch without your biceps exploding (whether you're a man or woman).On paper, The Expendables looks like a slam dunk, money in the bag.  So why does it suck?

First of all, because it's central idea is essentially flawed: bringing all these stars together is nothing like The Dream Team of Action Movies. Stallone is the major one to blame here, because he directed and wrote this abomination. Everybody needs a one-liner so badly, a signature kill, an awesome catchphrase, that this movie feels schizophrenic, crowded, and corny. Let's not even get started on the "writing". I haven't laughed out this loud since The Hangover, and that's not a good thing. It would be if The Expendables was thought out as a parody, or a deconstruction (try not to read that and laugh) of the genre, if it were a movie that's intentionally bad. I actually wonder how the actors said some of these lines with a straight face on, and let's not forget we're talking about people like Dolph Lundgren and Stallone here. Really, it's almost worth seeing just for the bad writing ( "Like bad Shakespeare", to quote it).

The plot is not worth mentioning, although it had promise (the entire movie had promise). Jet Li is the best of the bunch, he actually still feels dangerous at close to 50 years,while Terry Crews is funny in a scary sort of way. None of his lines are even close to funny, but his demeanor and exploits in this film will make me laugh forever (not a bad accomplishment actually). Eric Roberts is...I'm not even going to go there, Stallone is Stallone, Statham plays the same role he's played 10 movies running, and Mickey Rourke is here just to deliver cringe-worthy monologues about war and how it changes people.

I'm actually sorry for kids these days: I grew up watching these guys in good action movies, some of them in good movies period. The Expendables feels sacrilegious at times, and boring at others. In one scene, Dolph Lundgren fights Jet Li in hand to hand combat. Why did that not feel like something I want to watch over and over and over again? Why did the scene with The Trinity of Action Heroes make me want to puke instead of wanting to hit the gym? Why does The Expendables feel like the most disappointing movie ever?

All this bashing might lead to the conclusion that I had great expectations from The Expendables. I did not. I didn't expect The Godfather or Casablanca, I just wanted a blast from the past, that explodes really good for a few minutes, and then makes me want to see Die Hard again. Not a good movie, but an awesome movie. There's a difference, and I got neither. What I did get was a predictable and incoherent (as strange as that sounds) shamble of an excuse to make money at the box-office.

Maybe I'm too harsh. It's possible that by growing up, action movies no longer fill the same gap they did when I was young, and the old ones feel good by nostalgia value alone. So I decided to test that theory and watched one old movie with each of the poster boys. The ones that were not good, were awesome. Some were even both! So in the end, it's not me. I'll do myself a favor and forget The Expendables ever happened.

Here's a crazy thought: What if you gathered all the greatest action movie stars ever, put them in one mega-movie, with a ridiculous plot, a huge body count, kick-ass explosions, and a lethal dose of testosterone? What if you actually got Stallone, Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis on the screen at the same time?  Wow, that's too awesome to exist, no use thinking about the impossible.

4/10 Stefan

Oldboy

Consider revenge for a minute. Few ideas have been more used, and abused by novelists, writers and film-makers. There's something about the bad guy getting what he deserves, about the idea that no matter how heinous the crime, retribution can be found. Revenge is great when creating dramas and action flicks, but it's even better when creating tragedies. Oldboy is such a tragedy, and one of the best movies ever made about revenge and its consequences.

The plot is deceivingly  simple, and for a reason. One will reasonably expect certain elements to be present in such a story, so director Park Chan-wook can play with our expectations. Smash them. Rebuild them, only to burn them down again. Oldboy starts out strong and is relentless, here's a movie that deserves the thriller adjective, but is so much more.

Oldboy is about Oh Dae-su (Choi Min-sik),a man who's kidnapped on a rainy evening after an altercation with the police. He's kept in imprisonment for fifteen years, with no apparent reason. Of course, after being released, one thing is on his mind, and one thing alone: revenge. From here, the plot meanders, from memorable scene to memorable scene, from revelation to revelation, to the ending (and what an ending). I'll avoid all spoilers, but the final third will find all viewers with their mouths agape, for varying reasons.
Park Chan-wook has created some instantly classical scenes for Oldboy (one fight scene steals the show, you'll know it when you see it), but they're part of a greater whole: no frame is gratuitous, all work on a level, and all have a distinct style. It's obvious why Tarantino praised Oldboy so much after seeing it at Cannes (where it won the Grand Prix): it's violent, stylized, with sharp dialogue  and numerous references to the classics (Dostoyevsky, Kafka, Shakespeare, Tarantino himself).

Oldboy is brilliantly acted: watched without subtitles, and not knowing anything about the plot, it's reasonable to expect a fairly intelligent viewer will catch on, and invest in the characters. Choi Min-sik is nothing short of fantastic in playing every human emotion in two hours. Watch his expression as it changes from scene to scene, it's obvious it's been a painstaking role to prepare, and a risk to take on. He deserves as much applause as the director, if not more so.  Kang Hye-jeong plays Mi-do, a sushi chef and the necessary female element for any good tragedy. Pay close attention to the moment in which Oh Dae-su meets Mi-do for the first time. It's a scene that generated a fair amount of controversy, but for all the wrong reasons. You'll want to rewind it after you see the movie, trust me.

To say more is to spoil, so I'll leave the plot at that. Director Park Chan-wook employs some fascinating camera angles and visual twists, making this a beautiful movie just to look at. Which is not to say that it's all style and no substance. One could write books about the themes and motifs in Oldboy. Which is not to say it's pretentious, like foreign cinema usually is.  It's simply a  bloody, deadly and remorseless movie.
 Oh Dae-su's story is more than simple catharsis, bordering on the tooth-grinding and heart-wrenching. Nit-pickers will surely find flaws in Oldboy. Some might even be right, but they are irrelevant.  Here's a movie that could have not existed in any other circumstances, that makes no excuses for itself. If you take one chance with oriental cinema, this should be it.

Consider revenge again after watching Oldboy. It's not the same,is it? Perhaps here lies Oldboy's true triumph: in trying to create a movie about revenge, Park Chan-wook does so much more. Oldboy is timeless and ravishing. Just as  Oh Dae-su's quest for revenge changes everything around him, and everything inside him, so does Oldboy for the viewer: after seeing this one, the very notion of revenge will never be the same again.

10/10 Stefan

Gone Baby Gone

One might expect that Ben Affleck should be the last one to attempt helming a movie based on a complex novel such as Gone Baby Gone. Dennis Lehane's novels have been adapted by the likes of Clint Eastwood and Martin Scorsese, two directors with undeniable pedigree. Sure, Affleck is an Academy Award winner, for writing Good Will Hunting along Matt Damon, but writing and directing are two different things entirely. Most would have expected Affleck to fail, but Gone Baby Gone is an astonishing debut, one that erases all previous mistakes he made, even as an actor (yes, even Gigli).
 

Gone Baby Gone takes place in (where else?) Boston, Massachusetts, and focuses on the abduction of four-year-old local girl Amanda. It's the kind of case that brings neighborhoods together, the kind that moves people, the kind that is never solved. The police are doing their best, but grief-struck aunt Beatrice hires local investigators Patrick Kenzie (Casey Affleck) and Angie Gennaro (Michelle Monaghan) to help as much as they can. Patrick is a smart guy with local connections, so he starts digging, hoping to find the truth. He does, but it's not pretty, and it carries a hefty price, as always.

Casey Affleck does a remarkable job as the quiet, but streetwise Patrick. He's easily the most identifiable character for the viewer, and his grief becomes ours from the onset. He would keep the movie together if he were surrounded by lesser actors. Fortunately for the viewer, he's not. Ed Harris continues to be one of the most underrated actors of his generation, playing Detective Remy Bressant, a hard-ass who's seen one case like this too many. Look into Bressant's eyes as Harris delivers each line. He combines humanity with cynicism, says more with each pause than others do with monologues. Morgan Freeman also graces the screen with his presence, although this one isn't exactly his usual spiel. Also worth mentioning is Amy Ryan, who received (almost undeservedly so) the most critical acclaim for her role as Amanda's damaged mother.
 

The plot is gritty and sad, and will pose questions for all attentive viewers (especially a sentence or two in the final few minutes that hit like a shotgun blast to the chest). The dialogue is sharp and some quotes are unforgettably delivered and written. Adapting such a novel was a daunting task, and Affleck shines: it's never confused, pathetic or preachy, as many similar-themed movies usually are.
 

Gone Baby Gone is a movie not to be missed: the Affleck brothers, with a little help here and there craft a movie that surpasses all expectations, defies clichés, and engages the viewer, without leaving him feeling cheap after the final pieces have fallen into place. It's a crime drama about people, the dark places some can go to, and the fact that making the right call is never easy.

10/10 Stefan